St. Vincent - Crookes, Sheffield at 40 Pickmere Road, Crookes, Sheffield, South Yorkshire S10 1GY UK - Marriage preparation talks 1 & 2

God is love and he created man and woman so that their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves mankind. According to Scripture this love of man and woman is intended to be fruitful and to be realised in the common work of watching over creation. God said to Adam and Eve: 'be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it'

Scripture affirms that man and woman were created for one another - 'a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh'. The book of Genesis also says: 'it is not good for man to be alone', let us make him a helpmate which is bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh'

Marriage under the regime of sin

Since there is sin in us and in the world around us, it finds its way also into the relationship of man and woman.  The union can be threatened by discord, infidelity, jealousy and domination. The battle of the sexes stems from man's sinful nature.   When Adam and Eve sinned they first ruptured their relationship with God and then their relationship with each other.  Their mutual attraction of man and woman - God's gift, can so easily be degraded by domination and lust.  (Perhaps the government would do well to remember this when they think that education alone will bring down the teenage pregnancy rate.  Man tainted by sin has unruly passions which only the grace of God and the virtue of chastity will overcome.  In fact sexual education devoid of this religious content is liable to have the opposite effect of fuelling these unruly passions and making the situation worse.)

In order to restore order back into their relationship, man and woman need the help of the grace that God which in his infinite mercy He never refuses them. The disorder set in motion by the first Adam can only be reversed by the second Adam – Christ.

Marriage helps us to overcome self-absorption, egotism, the pursuit of one's own pleasure, and to open oneself to the other in mutual self giving.

Marriage in the Lord

Jesus performs his first miracle at Cana in Galilee.  The church sees this event at confirmation of the goodness of marriage and a sign of Christ's presence in their relationship. God has determined that the matrimonial union of man and woman is indissoluble: "what therefore God has joined together let no one put asunder." Even though this seems a very heavy burden to carry, God Himself will give couples the strength to carry it out.  If they take on board Christ's command to renounce themselves and take up their cross, the spouses will have a happy and fulfilled married life.

Christ lays down his life for us – the church, so, couples who get married in the Lord mirror this same love in their conjugal life. Marriage between baptised persons is a true sacrament of the New Testament.

The sixth commandment

'Male and female he created them...'  A husband and wife who live in loving communion with each other mirror God who is love in its totality. Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of body and soul. It primarily concerns our capacity to love and procreate but also leads us into deeper bonds of communion with each other and the wider human family.

Everyone, man and woman, should acknowledge and accept their sexual identity.  The present Holy Father, when he was cardinal, blamed radical feminism for the trivialization of sexual specificity that makes every role interchangeable between man and woman.  They say: 'whether one is male or female has little interest for us, we are all simply humans'. According to the Pope this attitude has grave consequences even if at first it appears very beautiful and generous.  It signifies, in fact, that sexuality is not longer rooted in anthropology; it means that sex is viewed as a simple role, interchangeable at one's pleasure.

Man and woman are made for each other and the living out of their complementary nature will be conducive towards their fulfilment and the good of society at large.  Militant feminism has tended to introduce disharmony into the relationship between the sexes and disrupt the complementary nature of male and female intended by the Creator.  Of course, in this context, the Church sees civil partnerships as undermining the institution of marriage and can never be approved.

The vocation to chastity

Sexuality is in accord with the designs of the Creator when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another in the complete and lifelong union of marriage.

Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is training in human freedom.  The alternative id clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy. In order to resist temptations against chastity we must know our innate weaknesses, avoid the occasions of sin and be faithful to the commandments of God and to prayer.

Self mastery is a long and exacting work.  When relationships and not dominated by lust they lead to a deeper spiritual communion. Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastely.  It leads to mutual respect.  They should reserve for marriage expressions of affection that belong to married love.  Couples help each other to grow in chastity.

Offences against chastity

Lust  Sexual pleasure is disordered when sought for itself, and isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.
In this context masturbation is condemned.  The Magisterium of the Church, in the course of its constant tradition has maintained that self-abuse is a gravely disordered action.  However, as far as a person's culpability is concerned, psychological or social factors and a person's overall maturity should be taken into account.
Fornication is a carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman.  It is contrary to the dignity of persons because human sexuality is ordered to the good of married spouses and the generation and education of children.
Pornography offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act - the intimate giving of spouses to each other.  It is grave offence.  It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world.
Prostitution is a social scourge.  While it is always gravely sinful, the imputability of the offense can be attenuated by destitution, blackmail or social pressure.
Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person.  It causes grave damage and can mark a victim for life.

Chasitity and homosexuality

Sacred Scripture and the Church's constant tradition has always declared that 'homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered' and do harm to the persons involved.  They are contrary to the natural law.  These acts do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complemntarity.  They can never be approved. 

For most people however, being homosexual is a trial.  They do not choose their condition.  They must be accepted with respect, compassion and sensitivity and never be discriminated against.  Like every other Christian they become holy by carrying their cross in union with Jesus and living according to his commandments. Like everyone else homosexual persons are called to chastity.

PAPER 2
The Love of husband and wife

In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion.  Sexuality in marriage is not something simply biological.  It is meant to be an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until death.

The Creator has designed that the acts of marriage be a source of joy and pleasure for the couple.  This union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life.  These two ends of marriage cannot be separated without altering the couple's spiritual life. 

Conjugal fidelity

The union which a couple freely enter into in marriage imposes on them the obligation to preserve it as unique and indissoluble.  What God has joined together let nobody put asunder.  Fidelity involves keeping one's given word.  St John Chrysostom suggests that young husbands should say to their wives:
'I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and prefer you to my life itself.  For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us ...... I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you'

The fecundity of marriage

Fecundity is an end of marriage.  Conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful.  A child does not come from outside as something added-on to the love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfilment. 
The Church teaches that "each and every marriage act must remain open to the transmission of life".  The teaching of the Magisterium says that the unitive and procreative significance of the marriage must not be separated.

Couples share in the creative power of God when they bring children into the world.  Having brought children into the world they have the responsibility to raise and educate them.
However for a just reason, spouses may wish to space the births of their children.  It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood.  In deciding about the number and spacing of their children the morality of the decision must be based on objective criteria not merely on the mutual intentions of the couple alone. 

Periodic continence, that is, the methods of birth regulation based on self-observation and the use of infertile periods is in conformity with objective criteria of morality.  To render procreation impossible by artificial means is intrinsically sinful and against the Will of the Creator.  If artificial contraception is used in a marriage the 'I do' spouses say to each other on their wedding day has many shades of grey in it and it ultimately becomes 'I don't'.  Artificial contraception goes against the inner truth of conjugal love which calls on the spouses to love each other unconditionally which they promised to do on their wedding day. 

As is happening in China at present the State may not legitimately usurp the initiative of the spouses because they, and not the State, have the primary responsibility for the procreation and education of their children.  Anything other than this, like their coercive one child policies is contrary to the moral law established by God and gravely immoral.

The gift of a child

Sacred Scripture and the Church's traditional practice see large families as a sign of God's blessing and the parents' generosity.  Couples who discover that they are sterile suffer quite a bit.  Research aimed at reducing human sterility is to be encouraged provided that it is based on the design and will of the Creator
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Techniques that entail the dissociation of husband and wife, by the intrusion of a person other than the couple (donation of sperm and ovum, surrogate womb etc) are gravely immoral.  These techniques infringe the child's right to be born of a father and mother known to him and bound to each other by marriage.  A child may not be considered a piece of property.  A child has the right to be the fruit of the specific act of conjugal love of his parents, and the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception.   Techniques involving artificial insemination and fertilization dissociate the sexual act from the procreative act.  The act which brings the child into existence is no longer an act by which two persons give themselves to one another in love, but one that entrusts the life and identity of the embryo into the power of doctors and biologists.  Being conceived in such a way is contrary to the dignity of the person – a dignity to which we all have a right.
  
Couples who find they can't have children should unite themselves to the Lord's Cross, the source of all spiritual fecundity.  They can give expression to their longing for a child by adopting children or an ardent service of others.

Offences against the dignity of marriage
Adultery
When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations, they commit adultery.  The sixth commandment and the New Testament forbid adultery absolutely.  Christ condemns adultery even of desire.

Adultery is an injustice. The person who commits it transgresses the rights of the other spouse and undermines the institution of marriage.  He compromises the welfare of children who need their parents' stable union.

Divorce
The intention of the Creator, according to Scripture is that marriage be indissoluble.  The separation of the spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by Canon Law.

It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law: this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law.  There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to e faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.  However, a divorced partner may not contemplate a new union unless the Church has officially granted them an annulment.  If a divorced person attempts a second marriage without an annulment, the marriage is invalid.  Persons living thus may not receive Holy Communion at Mass.  The Church, like a mother is there to help couples in situations like this.

Divorce is immoral because it introduces disorder into the family and into society.  The disorder brings harm to the deserted spouse, to the children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.

Other offences against the dignity of marriage are polygamy, incest, free Union i.e. when a couple live together and refuse to give juridical and public form to a liaison involving sexual intimacy.